


Still Alive

by itsaaudra



Category: Saw (Movies)
Genre: First Meetings, Gen, Origin Story, Reverse bear trap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24343099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsaaudra/pseuds/itsaaudra
Summary: A drabble about the aftermath of the Reverse Bear Trap and what happened when Amanda was confronted by John for the first time.
Relationships: John "Jigsaw" Kramer & Amanda Young
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	1. Congratulations

_“Most people are so_ **_ungrateful_ ** _to be alive, but not you. Not anymore.”_

After enduring a torturous experience in an unfamiliar place, Amanda Young wanted nothing more than to lie in bed and cry her eyes out. Being forced to disembowel a stranger in order to save herself from a grisly fate was not exactly her idea of a good time. Her mouth, scarred and bloody, whimpered as she lumbered down the street. Onlookers gawked at the bloodied woman, her body shaking and stumbling as she tried to make her way back to the shithole she calls her apartment. 

“Lady, are you alright?” A stranger approached her. He wore a torn hoodie with clean kicks and a knitted cap. She inherently backed away, trembling. She just wanted to go home. She didn’t want sympathy, especially from strangers. 

Amanda ignored the man and continued her journey home. She was desperate to call her mother - somebody, anybody who she could trust, even if their trust in her was nonexistent. Ever since she was imprisoned and hooked on drugs, her life had become a consistent mess. Her friends and family had lost their faith in her, her boyfriend went missing and her young life stopped short. Until today. 

_Why would somebody do this to me?_ She pondered, even though deep down in her heart, she knew. She knew that her addiction and abuse led her to the events that transpired today. The horrific bloodshed that her own actions had wrought. She knew the why, but the next question that flooded her mind was _who_. 

Amanda stumbled into the apartment lobby, hoping no one was lingering on the dingy couches or dusty staircase. She was lucky enough to find herself totally, utterly alone. She staggered up the stairs to her floor. No one was around. She took a deep sigh of relief as she plunged her key into the lock. She opened the door and immediately rushed to the bathroom. The lights flickered as she stared into the mirror. 

She wiped the blood from her lips, her lipstick blending in with the vibrant red. Tears fell from her cheeks. She couldn’t stop thinking about the machine on her head. All she could taste was blood and metal. The terrifying white-faced puppet - the black and red eyes peered into her soul. That voice… raspy, cold and calculating. She didn’t want to play this game, but she did what she had to do. She _had_ to kill that man. She _had_ to live. She wanted to be a better person and she knew that being dead wouldn’t help that. 

Tears and blood dripped into the sink, the water flooding it all down the drain. She shoved her face into the sink and sobbed uncontrollably, gripping the porcelain tightly. She felt strangely relieved. Relieved that she was alive and breathing. Relieved that she could still be standing in her shithole apartment, that tears could still shed from her eyes, that her messy face was still in one piece. 

_“He helped me.”_


	2. Do Not Be Afraid

_ “Please. She’s the only one who made it.” _

Only a few days after surviving her trial, Amanda was begrudgingly brought in to give her testimony to the police and to a man she had never seen before. The detectives made her relive her game, as if she hadn’t been reflecting on and reliving it in her head since the day it happened. The events rewinding like an old cassette tape, but not nearly as fuzzy. She refused to look anyone in the eye. She didn’t want to break down yet again. She twitched and shook, recalling every detail she could as everyone stared at her. 

Detective Tapp’s voice was calming, sure, but she still had to think about the gore that stained her brain. Her mouth still sore from the blades. Not a drop of water in the world could wash away the distinct taste of blood that lingered in her gums. 

She watched as the man behind the glass twinged at her story, her eyes filling with tears again as she recalls the disemboweled man she had to rip through. She knew she wouldn’t get arrested for this - her hands were tied. She did what she needed to do in order to survive and the police knew it. They were more interested in the one responsible for this cruelty. As was Amanda. That question continued to rattle in her brain. Who was the puppetmaster behind this? Who would want to do this to her? She never trusted the police, but part of her wanted to see the man behind her capture brought to justice. The other part wanted to thank him personally.

When questioned about her habitual drug use being the reason why she was chosen, she began to break down. She already knew this, but the reminder that her past life was the cipher for her challenging trial stung like a bullet to the chest. 

“Are you grateful, Mandy?” 

She finally lifted her head and stared at Tapp, locking onto his sincere brown eyes. She wiped away her tears and began to stutter.

“H-he helped me.” 

She sobbed lightly before being escorted out by the police. They thanked her for her testimony and drove her back to her apartment complex. She stared blankly out the back window, barely recognizing the city she spent her entire life wallowing in. Her own reflection a stranger to her now. The officer driving tried to speak with her, but she chose to keep to herself. She didn’t want to talk anymore. She just wanted to go home and collapse into her bed. Maybe run a razor through her wrists. 

She peeked at her phone to see if anyone had called her. No one. When she attempted to call her mother, all she got was the answering machine. No call back. No messages. Nothing. She was truly alone. The crushing feeling of loneliness and guilt continued to push against her soul. She had no one to lean on - nothing but the cold, smelly walls of her apartment to cry on. 

“Stay safe,” the officer said as he pulled up to Amanda’s building. She nodded and slammed the car door. Her eyes were affixed to the ground as she trundled up to the lobby. There were people sitting on the couch. One of them had a camera around his neck.

He looked up at her and waved. He didn’t seem bothered by her appearance. She smirked and offered a half-hearted wave back. He went back to talking to his friend - a scruffy, dark-haired man who commented on her scars and the size of her ass. She hurried up the stairs to avoid any more attention. 

She felt apprehensive when putting her key in the door. She felt the crippling loneliness creep up on her. It sent a chill down her spine. She knew that walking into her apartment would mean that she would be wandering into that familiar pit of despair that she has fallen into over and over again. She didn’t want to go inside, but what choice did she have?

Amanda sighed as she opened her door, greeted by the cold grip of darkness. She turned on her light and sat on the bed, close to crying yet again. Until she heard a voice.

  
_ “Amanda. Do not be afraid.” _


	3. Your Life Has Just Begun

Amanda turned her head. That voice. That familiar, unsettling voice. The voice she’s been having nightmares about for days was right inside her room. Was this worse than the loneliness that would have overcome her had she truly been alone in her apartment?

“I’m sure you have several questions,” the man said. He sat in the corner of the room. He was bald, aside from a small patch of hair on his chin. His bright blue eyes were cold and striking, locked onto her eyes like daggers piercing through her skull. She certainly had questions, but she was speechless in the presence of the man who entrapped her. His presence was nothing short of intimidating. He stared at her as her mouth began to sputter. “Take your time, I will answer everything.”

She couldn’t stop gazing back at the man, her eyes entranced by his. They were hypnotic. She wasn’t sure where to begin. She was face to face with the person that put her through hell, but freed her from her addiction and saved her from herself. A flurry of emotion swept her off of her quaking feet as she began to fire off questions like an overzealous machine gun. 

“W-who are you? Why did you do this to me? How did you do this to me? How did you get in my apartment? H-how-” Amanda couldn’t stop herself once she started. The man wobbled as he stood up from the chair. He put a finger to her lips, shushing her gently. He made himself comfortable on her bed beside her. 

“You don’t need to ask everything all at once,” he grinned. “My name is John. I think you know why I did what I did to you. Isn’t that right?” 

She tore his finger from her lips and jolted off of the bed. John seemed unphased by her immediate jump to action. She was breathing heavily, overstimulated by her circumstance and bursting with enough emotion to incapacitate anyone.

“Why me? Out of every junkie in this shit-stained city, why did you pick ME, huh?!” She cried, trembling in place. “WHY ME?”

“You were once referred to as a lost soul,” John sighed. He stood up from the bed, gripping Amanda’s dresser to stabilize himself. “Forced into the life you lead by a crooked cop, but choosing to continue living this way despite the advantages you’ve been given and the support system that has tried to help you again and again.” 

Amanda backed up as John slowly approached her. She hastily grabbed her pocket knife from the nightstand, pointing it at the raspy-voiced man that intruded on her life. 

“I said that I knew you, but you didn’t know me. Homeward Bound?”   


“T-the clinic? I’ve never seen you before now, how could you possibly know me from there?”   


“I was Jill Tuck’s husband, you remember her don’t you? You may not have met me, but I’ve been told many things about you and the others at the clinic. I don’t intend to hurt you.”

Oh, Amanda remembered her alright. She felt a wave of illness flood over her. Jill was always helpful and kind to her, but Amanda took advantage of her kindness. Her former lover did something unspeakable to her in order to fulfill Amanda’s needs. She tried to repress her memory of that with more heroin, but hearing her name again caused the memories to flood back like a monsoon. 

“Oh yeah? You don’t intend to hurt me but you put a death trap on my head and force me to kill someone? You’re sick,” Amanda growled, water forming in the corner of her eyes, the knife trembling in her grasp. The man coughed into his arm as he inched closer, his eyes never leaving hers. “I’m not playing any more games with you.”

“So far, you have been the only person to survive one of my tests. You are a winner. Don’t you feel more alive now that you’ve met death up close?” 

“I feel a lot of things right now,” she backed up as far as she could before hitting the crumbling walls of her apartment. 

“Did I help you?” 

Amanda didn’t know how to respond. He did help her, but in the end, he traumatized her more than the drugs ever could. But without his game, she would have been forever trapped in the squalor of her addiction. He set her free, but was she really ready to give him the satisfaction of knowing that? Maybe if she did, she wouldn’t be alone anymore. Maybe this man really is her savior - a guardian angel. 

“Y..yes,” Amanda hesitated. A smile wiped across John’s face as he grew closer. Amanda, breathing shakily, started putting the knife down. 

“Yeah?” 

He seemed surprised that his method worked. He was right up against Amanda’s blade, placing his hand on hers. His hands felt warm against hers. It had been too long since she felt the warmth of another person. He motioned the blade downwards and she let it happen. She wasn’t afraid anymore. John wiped the last tear from her cheek. 

“Would you like to help me save more lives?”

She wasn’t sure if she was willing to put others in danger to save lives, but she was sure about one thing. He helped her. If he could help her, maybe she could help others too. She would finally have someone to lean on. Someone who would listen to her. Someone who wouldn’t shy away from her when she needs them the most. Someone who could save her. She was in this now and there was no way she could ever turn back.

“Yes,” she proclaimed. He nodded as he grasped her hands tightly. She felt secure with the man that intruded on - no…  _ changed _ her life. 

“Good. Your life has just begun.”


End file.
